Thursday, December 23, 2004

We wish you a creepy Christmas

What do you give the person who has everything this Christmas?

How about weasel spit?

The best part of typing that last sentence was knowing you all thought I was just being facetious.

May I present you with Weasel Coffee - "Picked and Regurgitated by a Weasel"

And where did I find that tasty little image? Why, I took it myself not a few hours ago at Selfridges.

Let me entice you by typing out what was written on the back of the packet.

"This is possibly one of the strangest coffees to be found on the planet! This coffee hails from the remote interior of Vietnam. It comes from a strange natural phenomenon."

You know, here I was thinking that some marketing types had just asked a lab to genetically engineer the wierdest freak-ass animal imaginable - replete with some sort of bulimic reaction to coffee beans. But no, it's natural. Read on.

"Wild Weasels roam the coffee plantations and eat the ripe coffee cherries, but rather than digest them the Weasel regurgitates them and vomits them up!"

What, it regurgitates them AND vomits them up? Both? Amazing. Please note the gratuitous use of exclamation marks here. Someone is too excited about the beauty and simplicity of the Wild Retching Weasel of Vietnam for their own good.

"Due to the fact that the cherries have been in the Weasel's gastric juices, it seems to dramatically alter the flavour of the beans once roasted. This coffee is collected by locals and roasted at very high temperatures in tin pans over an open fire. It is then ground and made into an espresso style drink, in Vietnam it is commonly consumed by adding a shot of condensed milk to the brew."


Now that's just going to hit the spot after pudding and custard, isn't it?

Now, if your loved one doesn't drink coffee, there are a whole load of other things that you can make them blissfully happy with this Christmas, namely:

Snake Vodka.

Giant Hornet Honey.

...and Scorpion Pops.

Go on, you know you want to :)


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