Friday, November 19, 2004

United Ninnies

France's most eminent toad-in-residence, President Jacques Chirac thinks that the UN should be the only body in the world allowed to go to war. 'Allowed', of course, by ... ummm ... the UN.

Here's how I envisage it'll look:

USA: We've got to invade Iran. They're pointing nukes at Manhattan and making gibbering noises from behind those beards again.

UK: Sounds like a plan...

Australia: Count us in.

Israel: Absolutely. We'll just be over there, unpacking the crates of semi-automatic pretties.

Syria: *cough* Well, actually we don't think it's such a good idea.

Germany: We can't commit ourselves to anything that may in any way endanger our new international image of daffodil-chewing peaceniks. Bunny shaped marshmallow anyone?

Zimbabwe: Hegemony! Oppression! Invasion! What? No, no, don't look at ME, I'm talking about the West.

China: What's in it for us?

Afghanistan: Infidels will never walk the holy lands of Iran! (blah, blah, blah...'Allah'...blah...blah..'blood will flow through the streets'...blah...'revenge'...'Islamic brotherhood')

Taiwan: I wonder if someone could please ask the delegate from China to stop pressing on my windpipe quite so hard...I...I can't really breathe....

Cuba: No, no. Don't think so. Unless you want to let us replace these junkheap cars with new ones anytime soon. You lift the embargo and we *might* let you defend yourselves.

Congo: Nope

Switzerland: Don't give a toss either way, mate.

Indonesia: I don't think so.

Taiwan: Umm, guys? *cough* This is getting a little frightening...

Pakistan: No.

Russia: Maybe....maybe. We'll have to talk.

Malaysia: Not on my watch.

France: Well, in light of overwhelming international opinion...I don't think we'll be able to condone such an action. You'll have to take your risk with those Iranians and their ire. On second thoughts, Germany, we *will* have a few of those marshmallows after all...looks like there'll be a lovely, toasty fireball in the near future.

(Taiwan slowly expires in a corner when no-one's looking)

(Cross posted to A Western Heart)

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