Thursday, November 11, 2004

Bridget Jones: No Reason At All

I hate Bridget Jones.

Unequivocally, without reserve, I loathe the wench.

I don't think I would have really cared too much for her, wouldn't have paid much attention to the first film and certainly wouldn't have seen it had it not been for it's marketing strategy.

You see, apparently the author of Bridget Jones' Diary was influenced by Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. This fact was touted in the usual marketing mantra that accompanies any major film release.

I saw the film and walked out thinking...influenced by P&P?

How? Where?

Was she sitting near a copy of the book when she wrote hers? Did she glimpse the spine on a bookshelf during a critical moment of plot formation? Did she have a flashback to a forced read of P&P in grade school?

If she was somehow influenced, she completely missed the actual point the story was making by a mile. She took some of the surface plot elements - a central female character and two love interests where "One has got all the goodness, and the other all the appearance of it." She then completely failed to produce the one thing that gives Austen's P&P it's charm and opportunity for incisive dialogue and social commentary - an INTELLIGENT, COMPETENT heroine.

Bridget Jones is a bumbling, useless, pouting, perpetually confused shmuck. The scene I hate most is the one in which the girl is completely tongue-tied at a party. She can't gather her thoughts together to form ONE COGENT SENTENCE in a time of need.

Throughout the film, one simply wonders what on earth it is, exactly, that the two men (literally) fight over. They're just seen to like her. Just like that. She's a walking disaster, she doesn't know how to dress, she doesn't know how to stand up for herself, she's unutterably silly, she can't even cook a basic meal - yet somehow these two sucessful men throw themselves at her feet with professions of undying love (or lust, as the case may be).


Elizabeth Bennet would run rings around her in almost any endeavour you could choose to name that doesn't involve modern technology. Bring Lizzie's temperament to the modern day and it would be embarrassing to have the two in the same room together.

I'm a hero/ine snob. I like them to be people I can look up to, admire, enjoy watching/reading about.

Bridget I wouldn't hire to bring me coffee in the mornings.

If I want to watch Bridget I can switch on Big Brother and find the sulky one.

You can transplant Colin Firth over from the excellent BBC production of P&P, you can call him 'Darcy' and give him some measure of arrogance but that a semblance to P&P does not make.

And now they've made another, a sequel in which Bridget...having happily gained the affections of the better man decides to dally with the cad. Why? WHY? Oh, you know why - because she's a mindless bint.


Leicester square was ablaze with light last night when M and I walked out of the movie we had gone to see. We could hear the high-pitched screaming normally associated with atrocity or celebrity. When I saw that it was the Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason premiere, I couldn't decide which, but was leaning toward the former.


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