Friday, September 10, 2004

Something fishy in the state of Szczecin

I'm quite fearful of my parents safety after spotting this at their house last week:



It was brought out after much sniggering on their part about a 'small gift' they were given by a friend on their recent holiday on the north coast of Poland. I understand that Szczecin is a maritime-themed town, I really do - but I thought that Amsterdam was the city associated with cheese?

This thing is massive...each of those little glasses is an Eastern-European sized shot glass. Think of the average paw size of a Russian and you'll get some idea that you could likely serve salad in each of them if you so chose. The fish is hollow, with a cork in it's mouth. There's a rope at the top of the 'anchor' so that you can suspend it on a wall. I've just realised that I'm wincing just remembering how hideous the damned thing is.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but this seems to be a gift that you would only bestow upon a mortal enemy. Something so hideous that it would plunge even a Lawrence Llwelyn-Bowen'ed lounge room into the murky orange-and-brown depths of the 70's.

I've heard of the mafia leaving horses heads on people's doorsteps when they want to frighten them - is this the Polish equivalent?

Either way, I was very glad when it was stuffed back into it's box and into the depths of a large cupboard which may have held other such monstrosities for all I knew.

When asked what they would do with it, they just looked at each other and giggled again. Oh dear. This is *not* a good sign...I simply demand that my parental units start to behave in a manner befitting their age and status, namely:

- Less undignified sniggering.
- Far fewer things held back from their daughter.
- None of this traipsing around Europe with wild abandon, returning with hair-raising stories of narrowly missing hurricaines and driving far too fast on Autobahns.
- Less raucous tales of their youth after imbibing one too many. Having a more interesting life than mine is simply not on.
- Telling dirty jokes in a variety of languages.

Failure to comply with these restrictions will simply force me to take drastic action. I may start thinking of them as damned interesting older people rather than parents.

M

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